Elementals Sex Special (1997) #1-2 by Eric Dinehart, Tony Daniel, Jeff Moy, Adam McDaniel, Robb Phipps and others
Here we are! This final blog post in this blog series! (Except a summing-up post and some index-like posts, I guess.)
These two comics arrived in May/June 1997, more than half a year after the previous things Comico released. And it’s appropriate that the final books published by Comico would be these books, because Comico had virtually nothing else than Elementals going for them, and trying to squeeze out one final attempt at getting some cash flow going by doing yet another “sex special” seems like just the thing to do.
And besides, Comico returns to publishing black and white comics again, for (almost) the first time since Comico started. So Comico wasn’t able to pony up money for colour printing, even.
And while I expected a couple of bad comic books, I wasn’t expecting how depressing reading these would be. They’re just sad.
Of course there’s the usual rah rah editorials from the Comico staff, that manage to sound both insulting and stupid and the same time.
But how’s the sex?
Err… yeah, OK, this is an Elementals book, so this is on brand, I guess? Controversy! Elementals!
Even so, it’s… it’s… like… wat?
But here’s where the main sadness is: In the ads. “Breakin’ In: A comprehensive guide to making comics”. So Comico, who can’t get a successful comic book out the door if life depended on it is now going to teach youngsters how to break into the comics business? I mean, this isn’t an unusual heel turn — if you’re unsuccessful at selling comics to the general audience, you start trying to extract money from the people producing comics instead.
This thing was apparently published!? NOOO! I’ve failed! I didn’t know about that thing! So this blog series will remain incomplete.
Oh well.
(Googling a bit now, I’m unable to find any copies… how odd.)
But there’s more sadness: “One step is the fast, accurate and inexpensive way to submit your art to the top companies”. So Comico is trying to swindle aspiring comics creators further, too.
But there’s more! The sadness never ends! You can send $20 to Comico to get updates on all future Elementals projects. (There will be none.) And also some tat.
Have you had enough? I think so.
Oh, this is the second story. Thankfully there’s no sex here.
“Accuvision™”. Er… it’s a new printing process Comico has developed? Could it be… inkjet, perhaps?
Searching for that term on kwakk.info:
So that didn’t happen.
This story seems to be about two prostitutes giving that guy some visions about a war instead of sex, and… er…
Ad for some awful supernatural magazine? Did the Comico publisher publish that?
“The audition system”. “It’s a career opportunity”. Oh god, this is just tragic. Poor guys — this is so inept that I’m embarrassed on behalf of the people who were working for Comico at the time.
But there’s another issue! With yet another story without much sex…
… and then another story without much sex. This story basically just restates the “supernature” nature for the nth time.
If you were a horny teenager and bought these two books, you would be getting 1) a cold shower and 2) really angry that Comico had swindled you out of your money.
But mostly you’d just be sad, because these are depressing books to read. Seeing a comic book company sink to these levels — just concentrating on bilking amateurs of their money instead of publishing some stupid comics — is just sad.
Also sad is that Comico disappeared this time without a ripple. There was apparently zero press — no news stories like “Comico closes down” or whatever. The above is the closest I can find — a reader wondering what happened, and then the Comics Buyer’s Guide person going “hell if I know — they seem to be gone?” (I’m paraphrasing slightly.)
Not only are these two books sad, but they’re an ignominious end to an independent comic book publisher who was at one point one of the major American comics publishers. They could have been a contendah!
On the other hand, perhaps their failure was inherent from the start — I’ll be expanding on that thought in the final blog post in this series.
These books are among the most expensive Comico books you can buy. I assume that it’s because nobody knows what’s inside (and I hope this post clarifies that), and also because they were probably printed in so small quantities that they’re actual rarities.
Oh, there’s also a rumour about these issues:
kind of like how Frank Quitely is allegedly somewhere in 1997’s Elementals Sex Special vol. 2 #2, even though nobody seems to be able to confirm this – actual copies are very rare, doubtlessly attributable to being the last thing Comico ever published, and also smut.
I didn’t see anything that looked like Frank Quietly in that issue?